Rule of Three
It’s been said that if you feel surrounded by three or more blockheads, the blockhead is you. (During the holidays, you might convince me to go to four; but under normal circumstances, three is the rule.) In this way, our perspective of others’ behavior is actually a helpful barometer of our own.
Some people seem to stay wonderfully on the beam all the time. They don’t get rattled. They don’t “take it personally”. They are unflappable. They seem to have discovered ways to remain tolerant and kind effortlessly.
I don’t think it’s effortless.
Disclaimer: I’m no expert in this space…but I have learned a few things.
- I like you best when I’m okay with me. When I’m comfortable with my behavior, I’m less concerned with yours. My happiness is the lens through which I view everything. I’m relaxed and forgiving.
- When we are alike, you’ll occasionally push my buttons. The things that I reject in me, I reject in you. If I’m a procrastinator, procrastination in you may drive me bonkers.
- Kindness is a decision like any other. Even when I don’t like someone, I can still be kind. It is a choice I make about how I will behave. And the bonus–when I send kindness out into the world, I am much more likely to get it back.
- My physical wellbeing affects my ability to tolerate others. It requires considerable intellectual effort to rise above my reflexive responses to challenging personalities. When I am overly tired or hungry or vulnerable or fragile or weak or wobbly, I am incapable of being tolerant and practicing restraint. Getting basic needs met helps make tolerance possible.
So when you are surrounded by blockheads (or a less G-rated version of a blockhead), maybe it’s a signal to look in the mirror and think about why your frustrated. Consider what you might do differently…and maybe you’ll save the world from one more blockhead.
