Look, There I Am Again
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” –C.S. Lewis
I recently got to spend quality time with an old friend. Close when we were in college, we have been out of touch in the interval since.
As we shared memories, she recounted something that had happened between us years ago. I was surprised at the similarity in my emotional reaction to events that occurred then as compared to those in my life today. My unthinking responses were consistent.
I recognized the familiar internal narrative. Was it possible that remnants of the beliefs that drove my bus in my twenties linger still?
Yup.
<Cue a deeply revelatory therapy session>
In truth, there are differences. My actions are different today. I have matured, experiences have refined my perspective, and the process to become my best self continues to unfold. Nonetheless, it was striking to me that my immediate emotional response to other people’s behavior has changed so little over my lifetime.
What’s the point of all this early morning observation? My friend helped remind me who I bring to the party. So what…?
The more we recognize ourselves and what triggers our go-to moves, the more effectively we can choose to respond instead of react.
At the very least, we can create the space to pause.
We can determine if the threat we feel is actually a clear and present danger or if it’s some ancient emotional gremlin that remains in residence.
Everyone has power. The power to take care of ourselves. To love or harm. The power to have a friend…to be a friend. To be our own friend. The power to see the truth through the gremlins.
Sometimes, it takes the words of a friend to be the mirror that reminds us we are powerful.
