Cash and Prizes
As long as I can remember, I have been innately selfish, self-sufficient, and competitive. My ego, manifested as an internal dictator’s voice, has always decreed, “Me first!” and “I got this.”
When I was younger, I didn’t recognize it as self-centeredness, but that’s what it was. Me first…like the plot-steering scene in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, when Ricky’s father sets the trajectory of Ricky’s life with the phrase, “If you’re not first, you’re last.”
The first time I saw that movie, my ego shot its little ego fist in the air and shouted, “Oh hell yeah!” As a result of this attitude, living in community with others has been, at times, challenging…
Being blessed with some degree of self-awareness and not having been raised by wolves, over time I learned there was value in politeness and manners. I learned that the phrase “for the love of the game” originated from the idea that some people aren’t consumed with winning at all costs. And I learned that there is significant joy to be found in being of service to others.
I was reminded again of my self-centeredness recently when my father had surgery. A few weeks before the operation, my husband asked if I was going to take the day off work to sit with my mom at the hospital. Now, whether it was me projecting my self-sufficiency onto my mom, my lack of experience with hospital stays, or simply distractedness, it hadn’t yet occurred to me that I should go sit with her.
Thank goodness it had occurred to him.
Because I did take the time to show up for her and my dad, I was reminded that there is a reason “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is the gold standard.
Stepping outside of myself is where the real cash and prizes in life are found.
I cannot build a deeper connection with you when I am serving the god of “me first”…it’s just not possible…and building meaningful connections is what life is all about.
