Helpfulness

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.

–Maya Angelou, author, poet, and civil rights activist

I was preparing for a major presentation. There were people from my team that gave their time and talent. Three different mentors provided guidance. On the day of the presentation, several people texted me notes of good will. Not only did I feel prepared, I felt supported.

The second scenario was a simple exchange. I met a friend at the coffee shop. After a few minutes, I noticed she wasn’t having anything. I later learned that in her hurry to leave her flat, she had forgotten her wallet. She chose not to ask to borrow the three dollars she needed.

What happens when we give and receive help, and why does it matter?

Vulnerability is at the core of an exchange of helpfulness because each party experiences the risk of rejection. We can be rejected when we ask for help. Likewise, we can be rejected when we offer to help. With all this risk, why bother with help at all? Here are three reasons.

First, it feels good to help others. I could expand on this, but your own experience is the most useful. Think of a time when someone genuinely needed your assistance and you provided it. Helping others makes us feel purposeful.

Next, we are social animals. We function most efficiently when we work together. Even our language reflects this. We say two heads are better than one. We claim someone is the wind beneath our wings or that it takes a village to raise a child.

Lastly, we make the world a little safer for each other when we ask for and give one another help. Because of the inherent risk, when we help or are helped, we reinforce that taking risks are worth it. That people can be trustworthy and kind.

By participating in the mutuality of helpfulness, the very best in each of us is revealed.

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