Expectable

In a recent conversation with my 12 year old son, I demanded to know was his behavior acceptable?? Frankly, I was trying to maintain my composure. I had just walked into a family room that could have been declared a disaster area for the number of Legos strewn about the floor. He and his sister had been playing there all morning.

My son was thoughtfully quiet and then responded, “Not acceptable…but expectable.” And, in that moment, I knew he was right.

It’s easy to deny the nature of people–even ourselves. We like to pretend that certain proclivities, big or small don’t exist. Or that they were temporary. Certainly, the object of our expectations has out grown his/her errant predisposition by now, right? Inconveniently, that is not usually the case.

Real change, what I like to call orthodontic change, takes consistent effort sustained over a considerable period of time. It takes commitment and a desire to be different. It is rarely easy. It is even more rarely motivated by anything other than the painful consequences of the current behavior.

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou once shared that “when people tell us who they are, we should believe them”. They know themselves better than anyone else does, she continued, so believe them when they describe themselves to you.

Applying this wisdom, if we base our expectations on what we know of someone rather than on what we wish them to be, we are able to prevent frustration or future disappointment.  We keep our expectations realistic. So, while our co-worker, family or friend’s behavior may not always be acceptable…it is very likely expectable.

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