Odd Gratitudes
A friend and I took a walk last week. Dutifully, we maintained a six-foot distance. Neither of us have COVID…that we know of. But that’s the thing, right? Nobody really knows from one day to the next. With or without shelter in place orders, our limbic cortexes (lizard brains) stay on high alert through endless rounds of hand scrubbing.
It seems counter-intuitive to suggest that we might be grateful in the time of a prolonged, global crisis. And yet it is there. Hidden in our optimistic choices that reflect and promote joy. For example, how many people do you know who have adopted a pet in the last five months? Or grown a garden for the first time? Maybe it’s co-workers sharing conversations about the extra time they have with their college-aged children?
Sometimes, to be identified, gratitude must be reverse engineered. Rather than expressing that we are grateful directly, it is obscured.
A colleague recently shared with me her ongoing grief over the passing of her mother last fall. And then she observed, “I miss her, but I’m glad that she is not here for this virus. She would have surely gotten it with her poor health.” Silver linings. Odd gratitudes. Unexpected relief.
That was the way gratitude surfaced for me. In May, my dear friend passed away from COVID. Once exposed, I knew there was no way she would survive the respiratory cruelty. She suffered from high blood pressure, COPD, and obesity. The virus took her in less than two weeks.
“At least, she did not fear death”, I found myself saying to people.
In our current context, it would be easy to give in to the negative narratives of the day. They are plentiful and so very accessible through social media and cable news. Interviews with experts that culminate in terrible, scarcity-driven questions — ‘What should we be most worried about, doctor?’ — as if worrying ever made anything better.
There is a difference between fact and perspective.
It is a fact that my friend died. How I feel about that fact depends upon my perspective. As I have posted before, we get to choose our perspective. I am no less safe for seeking gratitude. No less intelligent. I am no less prepared for my next challenge by choosing gratitude, abundance, and positivity. In fact, because I am less fearful, I am better prepared. I rest easier and am free to expect goodness. And when I choose to be grateful, goodness inevitably follows.
Don’t get me wrong, COVID sucks. The emotional load tied to every decision right now is exhausting. That is a reality that I cannot control. But I can control how I choose to think about those decisions and how I speak about them to others.
Next week, we get to decide if our kids will go to school in person or do remote learning from home. If we send them to school, I can be grateful they can be with some of their friends. If we keep them at home, I can be grateful for more time with them.
These unprecedented times have provided plenty of opportunities to practice choosing my perspective. And for that, I am grateful.
Note: Between the time this was written and the time it was published, our local schools moved to all remote learning. Families and teachers in our community have been given yet another new set of circumstances in which to showcase their creativity, empathy, and resilience.
I’m grateful for the many awesome examples in my life as we navigate these challenging times together. And, I am glad we don’t all lose it on the same day.
