Forgiveness
In an age of an eye for an eye, holding grudge or exacting revenge can feel like a right–maybe even a duty. You hurt me, and I will show you… Whether on the national stage or across the kitchen table, this same thinking can exist.
Some time ago I learned to ask myself this question, when does losing my temper ever make things better?
When faced with a betrayal, feeling threatened or maybe just incredibly frustrated…when my instincts tell me to lash out, I remember the question. When does losing my temper ever make things better? The answer is never.
On occasion, it is helpful for me to play the tape all the way through. I imagine what would happen if I came back at the other person (or institution). They react to my anger, and we escalate… It does not end well.
There is an alternative. Forgiveness.
When I change my perspective, forgiveness changes my heart. It doesn’t always come immediately, but when it comes, the world turns 180 degrees.
My working definition of forgiveness goes like this, by forgiving you, I’m giving up my right to hurt you back. This doesn’t mean we will be best friends. This doesn’t mean I will trust you in the future. What it means is that I will let you go in peace. I will manage my behavior consistent with my values regardless of your behavior.
Forgiving you frees me.
3 Comments
Bobby Burden
Thanks again for another great meditation to start my day. I got to practice this through out the holiday. From an old co-dependent attitude of thinking “you hurt my kid. I hate you”. And after thinking it all the way through I realized that I was also hurting my kid and myself. He is with the person he loves. So knowing the results of forgiveness will be much better than spreading more cruelty , with me ostracizing another love one, I chose to forgive. Result, My relationships become more humble and solid. I get to invite the sick into my house, and express an example of what forgiveness looks like. Which is the expression of love no matter what. It dose no good to change my heart, if others don’t witness the change. To see what that kind of freedom looks like is the 180.
Dee Wilkins
Barry!
What an awesome post! It truly resonates with how many of us react in situations that if we just asked the question, “What good is my temper’s reaction?” Many times we only see the anger for the moment and once we have had time to reflect, we see things in a very different light. This is a great concept and many should follow it! May you always ask your question and receive the answer that so fits you Barry! Be Blessed!
eclark1151
Appreciate the comments! I, too, will keep practicing. It’s a long way to Carnegie Hall.