Following Instructions
I’m on a plane (again) and struck by a profound, simple truth hidden in the safety card instructions being recited dispassionately by the flight attendant a few yards in front of me. If you travel frequently, you could probably say it with her… “in the unlikely event of a change in cabin pressure, secure your own oxygen mask first before helping others.”
Why is it that the airlines feel compelled to explicitly specify the order of events within the basic instructions on how to use the mask? Could it be because of our predisposition to prioritize taking care of others before caring for ourselves? How frequently do we allow the demands on our time by our family, our friends, even our co-workers come before our own needs? So often we use up our energy trying to solve everyone else’s problem without caring for ourselves first.
You may be thinking, “What about Servant Leadership or the Golden Rule? Haven’t we been taught by spiritual leaders for centuries that serving others is virtuous?” Yes, of course, and I’m certainly not here to argue against the metaphysical advantages of self-sacrifice. Just the opposite in fact.
Let’s consider the instruction as I believe it was intended. Take care of yourself first, so that you are better able to care for another.
This order of events, our simple truth, becomes relevant every time we make an excuse for our own inactivity, an excuse for our unwillingness to suffer a little discomfort on our own behalf.
Instead of the litany of excuses or rationalizations for our inability to take care of ourselves (i.e. no time, no energy, no interest), let’s focus instead on the reasons why we should take care of our ourselves. For this there is basically only one; we are better able to help others when we have taken good care of ourselves. (You thought I was going to say love, didn’t you? I did. In 15 words.)
Good food, good rest, healthy exercise routine. These are obvious, though nonetheless essential, forms of self care. One could argue they are the cost of entry into an emotionally and chronologically mature personhood.
How about taking care of ourselves in relationship with others by setting appropriate boundaries? This is challenging work. Work that most intuitively shy away from. Who wants to have the hard conversations…to say “No more.” or “That behavior is unacceptable.”? Only the bravest and most diligent among us. The more we are willing to be present with the tension created by telling the truth, the more truth we will be able to receive and the more present we will be able to be for others.
In the end, nurturing self love makes loving another possible so that in the event of an emergency, we save one another.
