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Forgiveness
In an age of an eye for an eye, holding grudge or exacting revenge can feel like a right–maybe even a duty. You hurt me, and I will show you… Whether on the national stage or across the kitchen table, this same thinking can exist. Some time ago I learned to ask myself this question, when does losing my temper ever make things better? When faced with a betrayal, feeling threatened or maybe just incredibly frustrated…when my instincts tell me to lash out, I remember the question. When does losing my temper ever make things better? The answer is never. On occasion, it is helpful for me to play the tape all the way…
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Respond or React?
On the eve of a holiday that brings people together in various delicious and obligatory situations, I’ve been thinking about the difference between responding and reacting. Regardless of the degree to which our present company is beloved, the holidays can be a bit of an emotional mine field. Our expectations are proportional to the size of the turkey or number of chairs around the table. Out of our routine and off of our schedules, we can revert to toddlerhood quickly. We’re not sure what we need, but we know it doesn’t involve eating another random cranberry salad or playing a 4-hour game of Monopoly with a banker that should be under federal investigation.…
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Fear Hacks
There is a famous scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy has to traverse a canyon over an invisible bridge, known as The Path of God. It is a fantastical cinematic depiction of a challenge that each of us faces frequently in our daily lives. We see a goal. We hesitate. Eventually, if we are bold, we step forward with our own leap of faith. What drives the hesitation? In the words of writer and entrepreneur, Seth Godin, fear is what stops us. Fear fuels hesitation and doubt. Fear fuels the negative self talk that undermines our confidence. Fear keeps our eyes averted, our mouths shut, and our hands in our pockets. Here are four…
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Expectable
In a recent conversation with my 12 year old son, I demanded to know was his behavior acceptable?? Frankly, I was trying to maintain my composure. I had just walked into a family room that could have been declared a disaster area for the number of Legos strewn about the floor. He and his sister had been playing there all morning. My son was thoughtfully quiet and then responded, “Not acceptable…but expectable.” And, in that moment, I knew he was right. It’s easy to deny the nature of people–even ourselves. We like to pretend that certain proclivities, big or small don’t exist. Or that they were temporary. Certainly, the object of our expectations has out grown…
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What You Do Next
It happened. You did it again—that thing you thought you were done doing, or worse yet, that thing you thought you’d never do. We hate the feeling of that place. Engulfed in shame. Exhausted by regret. Overwhelmed by the embarrassment of what people will think. Good people. Important people. Maybe people we have hurt. People who trusted us. So now what? We’ve all had those moments. Moments of epic failure. Of embarrassment and shame. At least for me, self-loathing is not too strong a word for how I feel the moment it happens. What I want to consider today is the question of what follows that moment. What do we do next? The reason…
